The Love Series Season 2 (Day 12)
Question: l love the person I am in a relationship with but I just don’t love anything about her family. Any time I visit her at home, it is just war! I cannot wait to be out of there. I love her but I don’t love her family, what do I do about it?
Now, you might assume that it is because you are in Nigeria that the in-law thing plays a significant role but I want you to know that it is not a Nigerian factor, it is a worldwide factor. Accross the world, every body has to deal with in-laws.
I want you to know that you did not yank this lady out of the universe or just yank her out of the sky, she came from somewhere before you met her. She had people that meant the world to her and possibly still do before she met you. So you cannot become the universe to her, she still has other people that matter to her.
That means you need to find a way to love them. You know what? She loves her family! No matter how dysfunctional her family might be (because some families are), she loves her dad, her mum, her siblings and somewhere in her heart, she would be most delighted if the man she loves also loves her family.
Won’t you be glad she loves your family too? So you should make attempts to love her family. I know it could be difficult, I have had some really serious cases. It could be difficult but it is possible.
The first thing I need you to know is that her parents and siblings love her. If at all they are making it a little difficult for you, it is because they are wondering who is this gentleman that has entered into their daughter and sister’s life and just wants to take her away. They want to be sure that all their investment of love, time and resources into their daughter is not going to be a waste or just go away with her committing the rest of her life to you.
They want to also be sure that the man she is committing to is going to take care of them. No one wants an in-law that would disappear with their daughter and never look back. So please, understand their fears and anxieties and try to bear with them. Make it easier on them.
When you are going to visit next time, I suggest you take a gift. I suggest you find a topic of mutual interest between you and her dad or her mum and try to strike up a conversation. If there’s a family function, try to be there, help and ask what you can do to make the event a success. I want you to know that you need them because if you have a good relationship with them, it would bring out the best in your girl/woman. She would give more of herself to you when she knows that you are committed to the family that she loves.
That said, I cannot neglect the place of prayer. Some families, the only way you can break through them is to pray that God will touch their hearts to love you and understand you. So you could please pray. Lift up that family to God. Peradventure the animosity is really, really serious, pray and ask that whatever biases they have about you, which might be where you are from, your physical appearance, the job you do etc, that whatever it is, God will convince them to see you in a good light.
I want to challenge you to please make it work. You cannot love her and not love her family, the two go hand-in-hand. Let me tell you in advance, I say this jokingly but it the truth, you cannot marry someone whose parents you totally despise. Peradventure you see her Dad and you just don’t like anything about him or you don’t even like the way he looks, or you see her mom and ask what kind of woman is this? Make sure you deal with it before you marry because when you marry and you have children, you cannot decide who your children would look like.
Your son might come out looking like your father-in-law or your daughter might come out looking like your mother-in-law. It is very sad but I’m sure there are many parents today that hate some of their children because every time they look at the boy/girl, they remember their in-law and they are just upset. You cannot afford that, your children don’t deserve that. So deal with all these issues, you will be glad you did. It will be for your good in the long run.
I want to believe I have answered you. For further counselling, please reach me on Instagram @timiadigun or on WhatsApp on 07034721385. For past or subsequent podcasts, please reach me on Telegram @timiadigun.
I love you. Please keep living and keep loving!