The Love Series (Day 24): Question 9

Many thanks to you for all the several questions that have come in. Please remember that tomorrow would be my last day in this series for taking questions. Whatever question doesn’t come in today would not be addressed on this platform. Thanks for understanding. We have three questions to address today.

I’m so grateful for this love piece. It has opened my eyes to things I couldn’t see before. But I have a question that has been bothering me for long. I’m still in love with my ex although he moved on and I’ve also moved on. I always try to forget that feeling or just turn it into hate but it’s not working and the person I’m dating now still contacts his ex-girlfriends and still tells them that he misses them. Anytime I ask about this , he tells me I have nothing to worry about. What should I do? I’ve been praying about it but there’s no answer.

Doctor Love:
I recommend a personal session to address these issues better but with the details I have, let me say a few things.
Firstly, please never try to use “hate” to get rid of love. It’s very wrong. We are love beings and don’t thrive well in an atmosphere of hate. Hate is the “easy way out” and hardly pays in the end.
Honestly, I believe you shouldn’t be in a relationship yet. It’s never fair to carry “current love baggage” into a new relationship. You need to deal with your feelings for your ex first. You need to truly move on because you haven’t. Being in a new relationship doesn’t mean you’ve moved on. Your heart is still with him. Move on emotionally, not just physically.
For your present boyfriend, I don’t subscribe to what he’s doing. He hasn’t moved on either. Seems like an “emotional mess” to me. Two people still hanging on to their past. If you two are going to stay together, you have to agree to truly move on, meaning, every other person becomes secondary and contact with the “exs” is intentionally reduced.

Sir, must a man meet all the criteria I’ve set up? For example, if the person flops at integrity issues especially with “lies to protect me” and yet says he loves me, what do I do?


Doctor Love:
This question reminds me of when I talked about compromise in this series. Please have criteria that you want in your man or woman. Whoever doesn’t have something in particular he wants would settle for anything. You need to have what you want to see in your spouse.
But even at that, please don’t be rigid. Be flexible. You might not get everything 100%. There are some things you could bend on. Things like his skin colour, his height, his age, his tribe, his nationality, etc can be ‘compromised’ but core things like integrity, respect, sexual purity, diligence, godliness and others are ‘non-compromisable’, please permit my English.
If he lies to protect you, he would most likely lie to you. If you are happy with a man who lies to his friends in your presence and you say, “he’s smart”, someday he would lie to you. Even if he doesn’t, you would find it hard to believe him because you know he has the tendency to lie.
A girl who is sweet and nice to you but you notice is rude to her parents or to strangers, and you feel it doesn’t affect you. When the heat is turned up, you’ll be the one to bear it. You can’t hide who you are for too long.
A guy who whistles at your body parts, possibly touching you in public would most likely do it to another girl. So, don’t feel special becuase he’s doing it to you.
What’s my point? Have your criteria for your man or woman. You can bend on some things but you shouldn’t on some.

Doctor Love, I recently just go into a relationship with this guy and it has been going on well. There was a day I was upset with him and breaking up crossed my mind then immediately I felt like if I break up with him, I won’t get anyone better than he is. Is it healthy to think that there’s a “best person” for you and if you miss him, you can’t find a better person?

Doctor Love:
This is quite a sensitive question and different authorities on love might have different opinions on this, as well as on other answers I’ve given in this series but I would give my own opinion.
I believe there is no “best” person. I just talked about having criteria in the previous question. You might meet a guy with ALL the qualities you always wanted and you accept to date/court him because of that. Six months down the line, you might meet someone that has ALL the qualities in GREATER measures. What would do you? Break up and date the new one until a “better” one comes again?
I personally believe whoever is “best” is the person God and you CHOOSE to make best. You choose to love that person, assuming you are convinced that he/she is the right one for you, and you CLOSE YOUR EYES to all others.
Please note, that on the contrary, don’t settle for an anyhow guy/girl because you “feel undeserving” of the best and want to grab whoever “takes pity” on you to date you, Nah!!! You’re an amazing person and you deserve the best. You are worth the best and will get the best. Don’t get desperate for love and don’t cheapen yourself. You are SPECIAL.

Okay! That’s all for today. I’ll wrap up with questions tomorrow and use Day 26 to 29 to round off the series. You don’t want to miss the last four days! They will be the icing on the cake.

Enjoy your day and while at it, please KEEP LIVING and KEEP LOVING.

I love you,
Timi Adigun (Doctor Love)

10 thoughts on “The Love Series (Day 24): Question 9

  1. Omole Tomi

    Gud Morning sir…Thanks for this series. God Bless you more
    My question is…in a situation whereby you were initially dating someone but due to some certain reasons the relationship can just work-out. Than you decided to break-up with the person but the other person in question just don’t want to LET GO and MOVE ON(no matter how had you tried) he just keeps coming back. And that is affecting your current relationship. plz sir. what is to be done. Thanks again


  2. young lady

    Thank you very much for the great eye opener on love***but I have a problem my mum told us of some stuffs she went through in the hands of my dad when they got married newly and I developed a level of hatred for him but have tried over the years to love and show him love but it not just working out,him on the other hand is not helping out he talks to her anyhow even in our presence nd he doesn’t show us (children)love…please help me sir really want to have a wonderful relationship with him.


  3. Bisola

    Doctor Love, A friend came to me and asked: Bisola, how do I know if he’s the right guy for me. Believe me I have a good relationship with God but recently my relationship is shaky. I was bothered and in my thought, I just said, God, if this is the guy for me, do this this this, that very night, it happened. But when I mentioned it, for a confirmation the second time, it didn’t happen. Could it mean that God is not in support or its not yet time or can someone pray for me? The guy is also not getting any confirmation. Please, God should reveal it to me if not anybody close to me.

    I believe Doctor Love should be able to answer this.


  4. TeeMie

    #Countdown to the icing on the cake and #NoCountdown to the finishing line of these series.
    it’s been a wonderful ride all through. Just like it is in the case of prescribed drugs,I’m glad I had full dosage of these series daily.The consultancy sessions too(Q&A i mean) have been superb! and the doses have been and will still be well applied.
    Well done! Well done!! to the only Doctor that I won’t think of running away from.


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