It’s a beautiful new week. I believe you’re expectant for good breaks and good news throughout this week. Our Love Series is gradually wrapping up. I would stop taking questions by Day 25, so as to be able to conclude the series in the last four days of the month. I hope that’s okay with you. I would be taking two questions today.
Forgiveness is easy but what about the forgetting aspect? Okay, I forgive someone who came to our home homeless and all he could repay us with is abusing my little niece who isn’t up to 11 yrs old. Please sir, how can I forget such memories!
Thank you for asking this very sensitive question. You have been hurt before and the sad truth is that more people will hurt you. It gets more painful when the offense is terrible like the one you’ve just mentioned; sexual abuse. I can relate with this.
I’m glad you said you have forgiven him because some people might take this offense as “the unpardonable sin”. Before I answer your question, let me say something briefly about forgiveness.
When you forgive someone who offended you, no matter the degree of the offense, you are doing yourself a favour more than you are doing the offender a favour. Joyce Meyer said something profound. She said, “Why would I allow someone hurt me twice!” He hurt you the first time, and you allow him hurt you over and again EVERYTIME you remember and dwell on the hurt.
See! That offender might be on a vacation with his family ‘enjoying life’ or at a viewing center, laughing over a football game while you are there, pouting in your house, saying “I will NEVER forgive him.” You’re the one at a loss my dear. And if I may add, that’s the exact spot the devil wants you to be. He wants to steal your joy and nothing steals joy faster than unforgiveness. So, please forgive that person today and FREE YOURSELF!
Now, about forgetting, that’s where the issue lies. Except for a divine intervention of selective memory loss which hardly ever happens, you are BOUND TO REMEMBER. You have a mind which works with your brain to store information. You will always remember. So, don’t feel bad about remembering an offense, it is natural.
However, if you have truly forgiven the person, the hurt and pain when you remember won’t be as much. And as time passes, the pain would lessen. It is said that time heals. One advice I always give is, “multiple forgiveness”.
What does that mean? Everytime you remember the person and/or the offense and hurt wants to rise again, mutter to yourself, “I forgive you” and it would further help if you pray for the person; bless the person. You’d be amazed how lighthearted and free you’ll begin to feel if you do these things.
I know these suggestions I’m giving don’t make too much sense but they work and that’s the whole point. I want you to have a beautiful life, full of love and free of hate and bitterness. So, the above are Doctor Love’s prescriptions.
Is it possible to love someone and still admire or be atrracted to another?
Very possible!!! Is it possible to love your car and still admire another car? Yes! Is it possible to love your child but be drawn to another person’s child? Yes!
So, the issue is not with the attraction or admiration but with what you do about it. If you expect your spouse or loved one never to “notice” any other person, you’ll be setting yourself up because that it very unrealistic.
So, again, the point is not about attraction or admiration because that is bound to happen. The point is what should be done about it?
And the answer is NOTHING!!! That’s the solution. That’s the difference between the faithful man and the unfaithful. That’s the difference between the virtuous woman and the ‘common’ woman. What a man/woman does with the attraction or admiration of another is what matters.
See and take your eyes off. Don’t just take your eyes off, take your mind and thoughts off the person. It is when you start looking over and again and thinking about the person, allowing your heart wander, wanting to be with the person etc, that’s when you begin to stray away from your loved one and the door has been opened for infidelity.
So, in summary. Attraction is normal but please don’t feed it and you’ll be fine.
Thank you for these questions and thank you for reading the responses. I’ll be back tomorrow with more questions. Until then, please KEEP LIVING and KEEP LOVING.
I love you!
Timi Adigun (Doctor Love)