Welcome to the start of a “new week” on this series, The Love Series. I choose to believe that the words you’ve been reading have started changing your love -life for good. That’s the whole point. I desire you to know, understand, experience and enjoy true love in all your relationships.
Today, I’m talking about Communication. Love requires communication. Now, it’s unfortunate that we sometimes have a wrong idea of what communication is, especially in love relationships, so I’m hoping that in the next two days, I would be able to help you see better how to communicate with your loved one(s).
Firstly, in communication, please talk more than you muse. That is, learn to express yourself. Your loved one is not a mind reader. Don’t expect him/her to know what you’re thinking or feeling if you don’t voice out. You feel bad about something he said? Let him know. You’re not in the mood to go out on a date? Tell her. You feel emotionally tired? Express it. Many relationships crash because one party or both is just not talking.
Let me add here, that when you talk, you need to also talk in love. Not in an accusatory tone but in a tone that encourages the person to want to hear you out the next time. Please learn how to speak without raising your voice. It’s the same message and the fellow isn’t far from you, why raise your voice? It defeats the whole essence of communication; your loved one would likely tune off if you express yourself harshly.
Secondly, please ask more than you assume. I’m sure you have had one or two experiences when you assumed something only to be proven wrong. When you love someone, don’t assume he said something or she did something or he went somewhere or she bought something without your consent. Ask! And again, ask softly and with genuine interest not in an accusing tone. The only known response to attack is defense. If you come accusing, your loved one would be defensive and you won’t achieve anything.
Thirdly, you need to learn to listen. Many times, we take our mannerisms in our “official or workplace or school” relationships into our Love relationships. When you love someone, you LISTEN to the person. It’s not just about you saying all you feel or want to do or achieve, let the other person speak and please listen.
The truth is, many times we assume we know our loved ones in out but if only we would listen a little more, you’d discover there are so many things you don’t know about them. When last did you really listen to your spouse, or child, or parent, or protege. I mean, REALLY LISTEN. When last?
And listening is not just tied to words. Do you “listen” to their body language. Yes, I said you should try to talk but some people just can’t express themselves too well in words but their actions and body language say A LOT. Are you observant? Or are you too busy pursuing your own goals; career or otherwise? It’s time to listen.
Lastly, when you communicate with someone, the only thing that qualifies it to be a successful communication is if you’re speaking the same language. That’s what I would be discussing tomorrow. It would be very eye-opening for you. Please make sure you read again tomorrow.
This is where I’d stop today. Please reach out to that loved one today and express yourself; say all you need to say and say all in love. And when the person chooses to respond, please listen attentively and don’t forget the body language too. And just in case you haven’t told that loved one the three words lately, please do today. But don’t say those words until you’re sure you mean them. You know the words, right? I have been saying them to you since Day One because I mean them.
Until you read from me again tomorrow. Please keep living and keep loving!
I love you!
Timi Adigun (Doctor Love)